You are ENOUGH.

I just wanted to come on here and talk about feeling secure and loved. ⁣

Here I am going on an 8 years with my husband, married, committed heart & soul, completely bonded to this person, and I find myself sometimes wondering my worth or if I am doing enough or if my husband loves me as much as I love him which is so dumb to think that way, but let’s face it we are all human and we think about a bunch of shit in our heads and half of it is real and the other half who knows how real it really is. We are just messing with ourselves because sometimes things can never be so plain, simple, and easy. We complicate things for ourselves, we become vulnerable and we accidentally open ourselves up for an opportunistic infection to come infect our minds with poison and self doubt.

On special occasions and sometimes randomly my husband writes me love letters, and when he gave me one for my birthday… I choked up a bit because I was like damn, you love me this much? I didn’t realize because I was too busy over thinking too much to notice how in love he is with me. I felt sad that I wasted time thinking the way I was thinking and let the poison rob me of feeling all this love right here the entire time.

It dawned on me though after reading his beautiful chicken scratch handwriting of a letter that…. He truly loves me just as much as I love him, and just as I am. Clearly, because he puts up with my ass and I put him with him lol⁣

And guess what else dawned on me? ⁣

He choose me. Not anyone else, me.⁣

He continues to choose me everyday. ⁣

He wants to get old and wrinkly with me and sing made up songs until we are 100 and dance in the kitchen with no body else but me.⁣

He tells me he loves me day in and day out, and not only does he tell me; He shows me. He shows me by how he looks in my eyes and smiles at me, grabs my butt, ALWAYS cops a feel on the girls when I walk by, dances naked around the house, and sings me made up songs lol, how he sleeps close to me at night with his arms under my pillow and how he sends me songs with lyrics that talk about “that girl” and how loved they are. That girl is me for him. How could I ever think less than all this love I have right infront of me?⁣

Well, it’s not my husband’s fault that I feel this way sometimes. It’s my own. I loose sight and it takes stopping and opening my eyes to all the good in front of me to realize, I am that girl. I am loved by someone with all their heart. I am worthy. I am secure, and really I gotta stop overthinking stupid shit. Just have to let myself be. Everything is ok. Everything is more than ok, and I need to bask in it rather than do whatever to find fault in it.

I hope you guys know, whether you are in similar shoes as me or taking time out to focus on yourself (doesn’t matter) just know that… You are worthy, you are loved, and you are secure. Look at the good in it all, and get rid of any poisonous thoughts that could rob you of all the joy and happiness you deserve. ⁣

⁣Never forget that. Let it soak in and when times get tough for you, I hope you can be reminded as quickly as possible that you are ⁣⁣ENOUGH.

⁣⁣

Home is wherever I’m with you…

For my first blog post I really thought I was going to drop a truth “bomb” and post one of my blogs that I had written weeks ago that’s been sitting in my notes… but not today though. Seems like that “bomb” is going to have to be dropped at a later time because well I have to talk about today and what Im feeling this very moment.

Today, I am feeling a bit of defeat. Real estate is hard especially when you are in a sellers market and you are the buyer. We lucked out to be on the other side a few months ago when we sold our last property that we flipped, we did so well but that’s because we were the sellers but this time around it is very different! The first time we ever purchased we were in a buyers market and like we legit made out like BANDITS I tell you… bought the house for literally nothing and sold it for $75k more than what we purchased it for. Now here we are… buyers again but swimming in a pool we don’t wanna be in!

My husband, Brendan and I have been searching for our next house for 3 months now and we have submitted three different offers on three different houses that were thousands over asking but we keep coming up short and being out bid. It has been rough to say the least because when Brendan and I find a house we feel good about and start getting all the feels about the property while we are taking a tour, we get so INSPIRED by all the possibilities that we could do with the space. Our hearts start beating a little faster, we look at each other like “hun are you thinking what I’m thinking?”. We start feeling like this is for us, we start picturing ourselves living there, and bringing a baby home there, and we see a good investment $$$. We just know it truly could be ours and we loved it so much that we felt like we would keep it for ourselves for our family, and then buy another house to flip as well on the side. We get the offer in ASAP so we don’t loose any time then shortly after we submit our offer we get the dreaded call from our realtor, “Im sorry but someone out bid you guys and are a full cash offer so the sellers selected their offer. We will keep looking!”. Ugh, your heart just sinks to your stomach because we really saw ourselves making the house our home and then its gone before you could even try.

Then the days to follow you almost grieve the loss of the house… You say well its a sign from God and something will come along that’s even better. Then you say well f*ck I really loved that house and could see ourselves there lol You see the bright side but then you’re slapped in the face with the loss and what could have been. We will keep looking and one will come when we aren’t even expecting it. It always works out because why wouldn’t it? We pray on it, and we give all our stress to God and he will take care of us. We will keep working hard and allow opportunities to come our way and TAKE THEM. Then things start falling into place and we let it. Everything will be ok.

I was thinking last night while in bed next to my hubby just laying with my arm on his chest (big hairy chest LOL obsessed with his manliness) and feeling his heart beat. Nothing else matters, No matter where we go as long as we are together everything will be alright. I could literally live in a card board box with this man, and I will be grateful for him and his health and for his love. Where ever we end up next…

Home is wherever I’m with you, handsome…