I just wanted to come on here and talk about feeling secure and loved.
Here I am going on an 8 years with my husband, married, committed heart & soul, completely bonded to this person, and I find myself sometimes wondering my worth or if I am doing enough or if my husband loves me as much as I love him which is so dumb to think that way, but let’s face it we are all human and we think about a bunch of shit in our heads and half of it is real and the other half who knows how real it really is. We are just messing with ourselves because sometimes things can never be so plain, simple, and easy. We complicate things for ourselves, we become vulnerable and we accidentally open ourselves up for an opportunistic infection to come infect our minds with poison and self doubt.
On special occasions and sometimes randomly my husband writes me love letters, and when he gave me one for my birthday… I choked up a bit because I was like damn, you love me this much? I didn’t realize because I was too busy over thinking too much to notice how in love he is with me. I felt sad that I wasted time thinking the way I was thinking and let the poison rob me of feeling all this love right here the entire time.
It dawned on me though after reading his beautiful chicken scratch handwriting of a letter that…. He truly loves me just as much as I love him, and just as I am. Clearly, because he puts up with my ass and I put him with him lol
And guess what else dawned on me?
He choose me. Not anyone else, me.
He continues to choose me everyday.
He wants to get old and wrinkly with me and sing made up songs until we are 100 and dance in the kitchen with no body else but me.
He tells me he loves me day in and day out, and not only does he tell me; He shows me. He shows me by how he looks in my eyes and smiles at me, grabs my butt, ALWAYS cops a feel on the girls when I walk by, dances naked around the house, and sings me made up songs lol, how he sleeps close to me at night with his arms under my pillow and how he sends me songs with lyrics that talk about “that girl” and how loved they are. That girl is me for him. How could I ever think less than all this love I have right infront of me?
Well, it’s not my husband’s fault that I feel this way sometimes. It’s my own. I loose sight and it takes stopping and opening my eyes to all the good in front of me to realize, I am that girl. I am loved by someone with all their heart. I am worthy. I am secure, and really I gotta stop overthinking stupid shit. Just have to let myself be. Everything is ok. Everything is more than ok, and I need to bask in it rather than do whatever to find fault in it.
I hope you guys know, whether you are in similar shoes as me or taking time out to focus on yourself (doesn’t matter) just know that… You are worthy, you are loved, and you are secure. Look at the good in it all, and get rid of any poisonous thoughts that could rob you of all the joy and happiness you deserve.
Never forget that. Let it soak in and when times get tough for you, I hope you can be reminded as quickly as possible that you are ENOUGH.